This post is going to take a similar structure to that episode of Breaking Bad from season 3, aptly titled ‘Fly’, in which Walt and Jesse spend the entire hour chasing a fly around their meth lab because they’re afraid it’ll contaminate the batch of drugs they’re cooking.
*spoiler alert* there’s literally nothing else to the episode. If I’m remembering rightly they don’t even manage to catch it. That really was an hour of my life I’ll never get back.
Anyway, this post is very much like that episode, because there is a spider with the longest legs I’ve ever seen on a spider and it’s been having a whale of a time dangling down from the ceiling and hanging out around my bedroom windowsill, which happens to be right by my pillow. It is gone 1am and my parents, brother, and possibly my cat are all soundly asleep. The world is asleep and I’m sat up on my bed (because being in it with the covers around me seems far too vulnerable, should it decide to just descend onto me) intently watching a spider.
You may be wondering why I haven’t just whacked it with a book and called it a night. I’m not one of these people who feels remorse in killing insects, although perhaps maybe I should – that being said, as much as I’m not their biggest fan I’m happy to keep the bees alive. Bees are doing their thing and spiders are little shits who are out to stop everyone else having a good time. The reason I haven’t killed this one yet is because it’s nestled in the corner of the ceiling, which is irritatingly difficult to get a book or a cup into.
If I tried to kill it, and missed, I don’t think I’d ever sleep in my bedroom again.
In the whole time it took me to write this post, the spider hasn’t actually moved from it’s little corner which is both calming and incredibly frustrating. If you don’t hear from me in the next few days assume this spider has crawled on my face or even just touched any part of my body and I’ve dried out on the spot. Even typing that just made me shiver. (edit: you know when you see something with creepy legs and it makes you itch on practically every part of your body? That’s me right now. I just threw off my jumper and pulled out a clump of hair in blind panic)
I’m off to Google search why most people have an instinctive fear of spiders and then maybe work up the courage to show the fucker who’s boss.
Until next time,