A Change in Career Path (or: What Would You Do With Unconditional Power?)

I’m in the process of writing an essay for uni that’s focused on traditional contract theory. In a nutshell, there was a bloke called Hobbes who believed that society would collapse into chaos due to how self-interested we are (we’d all be so focused on acheiving our own happiness that there’d be no co-operation, teamwork or sharing of resources. Nightmare) and the solution to this was for everyone to surrender themselves to a sovereign figure with unconditional rule and power. The signing of the contract is basically the imposition of laws that keep society functioning and not becoming a complete mess. I asked myself, earlier, what sort of rules I’d have in my state if I was the sovereign. Here’s what I came up with.

  1. It is forbidden in Caribou (that’s the name of my state, by the way. It’s the name I would always give my town in Animal Crossing and I’m sticking with it) to eat with your mouth open or slurp your tea.
  2. An around-the-clock service is available providing stressed people with a baby animal of their choice to pet and play with. The animals will be loved, cared for, fluffy and stupid.
  3. Snobbery of any kind is forbidden, especially in music. However, subjects with an extensive knowledge of the 00s pop/punk/emo genre and/or boybands of the past twenty years may be entitled to xyz acres of land.
  4. In Caribou, judging someone or making assumptions about them based on their financial situation is punishable by law. Don’t be a dick.
  5. Taking a mug of tea or coffee out with you because you didn’t have enough time to finish it before work or school, but didn’t want to waste it, is encouraged.
  6. Inhabitants must have a spare hairband and pen on their person at all times.
  7. There will be a holding pen constructed in the centre of Caribou, reserved for inhabitants who do things that are just plain stupid. Duration of stay is determined by how stupid the inhabitant has been. Obnoxious under-15s are hired to heckle those held in the pen on busy Saturday lunchtimes.

I reckon I’d make quite a good sovereign! What do you think? Anything essential I’ve missed off?

Until next time,

Emma 🌷 x

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